Monday, May 4, 2009

XXV. Family, Food and Fun

Like the other bookend to this trip to North India I am waiting in Indira Gandhi Airport for my flight home to Mumbai. I miss the “family” already, but will take advantage of the inspiration our shared time and experience has provided.

When Hemali invited me to join her and her extended family for the wedding and on the trip to Nanital, I did not hesitate to accept. Hemali and I have worked together in India for nearly 20 years and she lived with Jane, Christine and me while on a UICC fellowship to UMass Medical School in 1998.
I love the idea of family but admit to having a certain amount of ambivalence regarding the level of commitment needed to actually live in close quarters with siblings, parents, children and in-laws for …. well …. Ever! I think of myself as a very committed person but I am quite an American in “wanting” my privacy. “Treasuring” might be a better word to use, because we expend such vast resources in living our very private, isolated lives.
I relish Indian food, find Indian weddings great fun, know Jains have very high culinary standards, and I like Hemali and Karun a lot. So, I figured this would be a good bet to go well. Still, I wanted to approach this as a true participant and not as an anthropologist.
Well, it takes very little in the way of dancing and good food to limber up. There was little doubt that this would go well from very early on. Even though my biorhythms are very different (I am such a “morning” person and they are such “night” people), other than the night of the wedding when we all got to bed about 1:45am, I was given extraordinary slack to go to bed early (around 11:30pm most nights). The only thing I regret is that I would not get through a single verse of a song during our sing-along! Still, folks were forgiving – and even that failure was fun and endearing in a crazy kind of way. In the morning, while they slept in, I would do yoga, walk and have breakfast on my own. So, we ended up spending about 15 hours per day together.
As Bobby (Suketu), Hemali’s brother and I agreed over lunch earlier today, children are our best teachers. In an Indian extended family there are always children – so, lots of opportunities to learn. Just about all of the time, these lessons seem to be great fun. I did not think about it at the time, but after nearly a week together, there was not a single word spoken in anger. Maybe this is Ahimsa (unwilling to cause harm to another) in action, but I think that it is made possible through unspoken rules that entail spelling one another when someone begins to become irritable or cranky. However it worked, though, it was very subtle and highly effective.
I will never forget this family. Meena, with her love of chilly peppers and an appreciation for mine. Bobby, social engineer par excellence – the competent only son. Their daughters; Aayushi – oh, what a smile and even, steady, soft, and secure presence – and Dhwani – oh, what a fireball (where does all that energy come from)! Karun, the South Indian that Hemali’s path in life was fortunate enough to cross (or was it Karma?) and their beautiful daughter, Eesha (the intellectual and surrogate older sister to Dhwani, who keeps the whole family on the run). Hemali is known as “Sweetie” and is the eldest sister and a huge favorite among the kids. I met Vinita, Hemali’s younger sister on this trip – what a laugh and what a voice: the “Singing Chemist” as I learned. Her husband, Nilesh, is the newest member of the family and his voice, athleticism, and willingness to engage are things I will remember. Both he and Karun, as the “outsider” and the “newcomer,” helped me to feel very comfortable, indeed. Their philosophical and cultural perspectives are something I learned a lot from. Then, there were the parents: Chandrakant, Hemali’s and Vinita’s father, the quiet intellectual and expert on Jain philosophy, and Vinita’s and Hemali’s mother, Sukanya, who took a real interest in making me feel at home. I think their smiling, happy faces speak more than my words can. Feast.

What does this have to do with cancer research, service and treatment? Plenty. I met Hemali through this work with Dr. Gupta and I know that what we “grow” in our lives comes from the “wells” we maintain and the “fertility of the soil” in which we plant our “seeds.” I also know that the “Jain Prescription” for life and living is probably good for improving immune response and controlling chronic inflammation – things that form the basis of the Mumbai Cohort Study (see V. Experience and Experimentation) and, more importantly, influence the process of carcinogenesis.

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