XXII. Feeding Frenzy, Fear, and States of Grace

It seems as though we Americans live in a world where most people feel desperate and overwhelmed too much of the time. Everyone in the whole world is grappling with “security,” but the US seems to be the most fear-gripped society on earth (at least compared to what I have seen and experienced in the 75 or so of the countries I have visited and the 4 in which I have lived for an extended period of time). It is amazing that Indians, though much poorer on average than Americans, are generally much less buffeted psychologically by these external realities. I do see glimpses of this deep insecurity other places as well, and as a species uniquely oriented toward the future we may just be hard-wired to be afraid. Also, it seems to be getting worse in India over time. So, this is not a uniquely American phenomenon – though it tends to be more extreme in the States than any other place that I have experienced.

The spring is always a difficult time for us in academic medicine and public health because many grant deadlines occur from mid-April until mid-June. This is an especially acute phenomenon right now with the “feeding frenzy” the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA) has spawned in terms of enticing-looking grant opportunities. Of course, that is overlaid on, and in large part driven by, the greed-induced economic downturn. That seems to induce anxiety – all on its own.

As Parker Palmer, one of my favorite authors on the topic of education generally (The Courage to Teach: Exploring the Inner Landscape of a Teacher's Life) and life’s purpose (Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation), astutely points out, people don't think clearly in a state of fear or desperation. It may seem easy to talk philosophically about this from halfway around the world. My reality, though, is that I can feel the pressure from here. It is unmistakable. I am grateful to be here, partly because of the perspective and the relative simplicity of my life. Still I am driven to generate University of South Carolina-related products at twice the rate here as I do when I am there! It is like a blooming miracle; and not an entirely joyful one at that (though there is some joy in it, too)! Of course, the combination of all the work, including having to resubmit our Center of Biomedical Medical Research Excellence (COBRE), and the unbelievably bad timing of the CPCP move (nearly two years late) and a number of other things could have ruined my sabbatical; but I made two choices and prayed /meditated. The choices are:
1. To do this work, indeed all my work, in a state of appreciation and grace. In order to do this, I need to clear my mind and focus on things for which I am needed back home; yes, I hate the place in some ways (for the waste, consumerism, greed and arrogance), and love it, too (for the honesty and hard work of so many people, the willingness to self-correct, and the natural beauty of the place). It takes a lot of effort to stay in a state of appreciation and grace, but it is much better than any alternative I could (or can) imagine. It is wonderful to be loved and wanted; even needed!
2. To promise myself two wonderful holidays. One, along the way (i.e., after the ARRA and COBRE dates, but before the (CDC) Special Interest Project (SIP) final push (a wedding in Delhi and then 3 days in Nanital). The other at end of the SIP nuttiness (at an Ayurvedic Spa in the Kutch, Gujarat).

What I prayed for? Wisdom. Ganesh is always on my mind and usually staring me down. I think that his counterparts in my culture of origin are St. Jude and St. Christopher. Of course, some of this wisdom comes in the form of living in the present. I've talked about that before, too. Glorian and I had a wonderful day in Lonavala [See pictures at the top; the wooden beams in the hilltop temple (those are the steps up) are 23oo years old] before she left for the states (Glorian has a real eye and ear for the unusual – including these two hibiscus flowers kissing, at ACTREC). I had a great weekend with Hemali and her family last week, and then visited with Prakash and his family last night. Families are a big deal in India. Jane, Christine and I would almost always eat a homemade dinner together. Back in the US that is a rarity. Here in India it is the norm. I think that the social cohesion and the real support of the omnipresent family helps reduce the fear and anxiety.